Our first brush with fear comes at birth, thrust from the serene safety of the womb into a world of bright lights and jarring noise. For many, that fear lingers, shaping a life of caution.  Learning how to manage our fears is the key to a happier and more enjoyable life.  Once we learn how fear is used to manipulate us, it becomes less powerful.

Fear is used in ways you probably don’t recognize.  If you don’t use our product(s); you won’t be able to sleep/lose weight/be alert/have more energy/better sex/digestion or regular bowel movements.  If you don’t support our cause; puppies/refugees/babies/the homeless and the elderly will die.  In politics, if you don’t support our party, you will be over-taxed/unpatriotic/financially ruined and hated by everyone.

External fears, like those peddled by advertisers or politicians, thrive on our compliance. Learning to question their claims—‘Do I really need this product to be happy?’ negates their power.  Many fear facing tomorrow, their state of health, their financial condition, their relationships, their careers, their futures.  Many more fear anything new; change, making new friends, losing old friends, their neighbors, traffic.  Fear slows us down, undermines our decision-making and causes indecision.  Fear can make us sick, (“I’m sick over this…”)  Fear, at the least, undermine our life’s pleasures and in some extreme cases can even end it.

There are two distinct forms of fear; the external kinds delivered from others and the internal source, entirely of our own making.  Standing up to the school-yard bully addresses the former, controlling our own mind the latter.

Napoleon Hill said, “Fears are nothing more than a state of mind.”

That said, it is key to know and understand the difference between real, legitimate fear and everything else.  Fearing the dangerous and life-threatening prevents us from death or injury.  This is an appropriate fear, processed in our brains amygdale region which triggers the fight-or-flight response.

Every other form of fear is ours to manage, whether wisely or not.  Learning how to do this means the difference between a happy life and something quite less than that.

A turning-point experience in managing my fears came to me in the form of buying my first motorcycle as a 15-year-old.  The used bike I bought came from the coolest kid in high school.  He had the nicest car, the most radical bike, and the cutest girlfriend in our school.  Everyone loved this guy and I wanted to be more like him.  While I loved motorcycles, I had no clue how to ride one.

 When “Mike” was delivering the bike, he started it up and said, “Here you go, take it for a spin.”  I made some excuse, telling him I trusted him.  Truth was, I feared that Mike would know I was a fraud.  Once he left, I wheeled that bike into the darkened garage and got out the owners manual to see how it worked.  I taught myself how to ride that bike by trial and error.  I faced my fears and I conquered that bike.  Learning about that motorcycle taught me that fear, at its core, often boils down to simple choices—act or retreat, embrace or avoid.

Facing that fear led me to a lifetime of motorcycling.  Mingling the sensation of speed, the in-your-face rush of air, the smells and sights all coincide to push the fear and the danger back into its place as you trade off the uncertainty for the sheer joy of the experience.  I learned that I could be cool too.  The fear was worth the ride.

Fear does not stop death, it stops life.

Fear, in all forms require choices—act or freeze, trust or doubt. This clarity can light the way forward.  For example, you are either healthy or you are sick.  If you’re healthy, you have nothing to worry about.  If you’re sick, consider two things; you’re either getting better or you’re getting worse.  If you’re getting better, you have nothing to worry about.  If you’re getting worse, consider two things; you’re either going to live, or you’re going to die.  If you’re going to live, you’ve got nothing to worry about.  If you’re going to die, consider two things; are you going to heaven or are you going to hell?  If you’re going to heaven, you’ve got nothing to worry about.  If you’re going to hell, well is something worth worrying about and maybe the best example of the importance of how we might best prepare ourselves for the future because we all must face our own death.

Simplifying fear into choices helps us act, but enduring peace often comes from a deeper source—whether philosophy, spirituality, or personal conviction.  While not all fears reduce to simple choices—chronic illness or systemic challenges can feel overwhelming—the principle remains: focusing on what we can control shrinks fear’s shadow.

For centuries, wisdom traditions have offered tools to tame fear, from philosophy to faith. In my own journey, I’ve found solace in the Bible’s guidance.  The word ‘fear’ appears roughly 500 times in the Bible, reflecting its dual role as anxiety and reverence.

It is interesting how fear is used as a contronym, both for the traditional meaning indicating anxiety and terror, as well as the non-traditional meaning when it come to God, meaning holding him in awe and reverence, (“fear of the Lord”)  Using it this way, Proverbs says, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.”  Overwhelmingly, the Bible tells us, “Do not be afraid.”  And as our faith deepens, we can depend upon and take comfort in passages like, “”There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear.”

With faith in God, fear fades when we anchor ourselves in something greater.  Quite simply, fear thrives in the absence of faith. … Belief is the antidote to fear.

What’s your earliest memory of fear? And how does it still shape you today?

Putting our fears into perspective can make them easier to understand and manage.  Going back to our life-and-death story, in those final earthy moments before our demise, I believe our thoughts might be consumed with wondering, did we do enough, are we prepared to face our death, do we move closer to death with faith or with fear?

Faith conquers fear.

Recalling a time of good health, when worries faded, offers perspective for today.  Because we are enjoying our good health and we are alive right in this moment, doesn’t the thought of all this clarify for us the fact that this time, right now, is the time of our lives?  Can not this perspective relieve us all of our fears, if just for a moment in reflection?  Isn’t it true that right now, any of us are free to do whatever we want, if not for whatever fears we allow to persuade us no?

Yesterday provides experience and tomorrow is only a hope.  Today is the only certainty. 

In this moment, our fears are an illusion. As Plato said, ‘We can easily forgive a child afraid of the dark; the real tragedy is when we fear the light.’ Embrace your trust in God, and step boldly into the life awaiting you, today.